03.29.09
Posted in Curacao at 9:59 pm by Soosh
I’m not sure how to describe the way I feel.. I have been running around like crazy for last couple of months, yelling ‘I’m fine!’ Well maybe I’m not as fine as I’d hoped. I’m trying like hell to keep positive and happy, but it’s hard.
Here I am, all alone. And if there’s one thing I really, truly, absolutely suck at, it’s being alone. Of course I hang out with friends and do fun stuff, but the fun stuff just isn’t.. fun. So I’m running around, just so I don’t have to sit my ass down and reflect. And for the time being I will continue to yell how freakin’ fine I am, so hopefully in a while it will be true again.
Love,
Soosh
Permalink
12.31.08
Posted in Curacao at 10:01 pm by Soosh
I don’t really know what to blog. After 7,5 years, I’m single. It’s all so very weird, Bram told me he loved me and then said he wanted to move to Curacao. I’ve been there, done that and burned the T-shirt, so I said; ‘Well, you know I’m not coming with you.’ And that was about it. There really is no in between.
So now I’m living with this guy I love and who loves me, but we no longer have a relationship. He will be leaving for Curacao pretty soon and I’ll stay behind. The house we live in now is to expensive for me, so I’m trying to find something I can afford in Hilversum.
Well, that’s about it. I’m sad and wishing things were different, but they’re not and we both made our choices. So now I have to look at the future (with some fear, i admit) and see what I am going to make of it.
Wish me luck!
Love,
Soosh
P.S. Happy Newyear!!
Permalink
11.23.08
Posted in Curacao at 8:45 pm by Soosh
OMG! It’s snowing. I took some pictures (out of my window, because .. it’s snowing outside!)
Look, snow!,
and more snow!
Love,
Soosh
Permalink
10.27.08
Posted in Curacao at 11:27 am by Soosh
So, I kinda made a mess of things. I quit my job since I was pretty darn bored and I accepted a new job. The new job was at a bank and I just didn’t feel like it was the greatest idea in the world to go work at a bank during the credit crunch the whole world seems to be in.
The result; here I am being unemployed and all 
But fortunately I don’t have to worry to much just yet, since I’ve got a job interview tomorrow. Hopefully the interview will go well and the job will be a more challenging than my old job, at least for a while. I guess I will find out tomorrow and/or somewhere this week how this is going to play out and with I, I mean we
Love,
Soosh
Permalink
06.05.08
Posted in Curacao at 8:03 am by Soosh
It’s been quiet here for a while. Call it a bloggers’ block, a writer’s block or living your life. But I guess I’m back. The last couple of months in a couple of sentences:
Bram’s back, has been for 3 months now. I’ve had my very first operation (appendectomy), which was kinda scary. I’ve found a job, lost a job and found a job again. I bought a car, it broke down (more than once), I ditched the car and got another car. And very recently I bought the camera I wanted for some time now; a Canon Eos 450D, a very cool and shiny digital SLR camera.
So as you can see, I’m doing pretty good. I love my car, it’s a Volkswagen Vento 1.9 TD. After driving a crappy junkyard-ready Volkswagen Golf, this was a BIG improvement in every way possible. My job is not the coolest or the most interesting in the world, but my co-workers all are extremely crazy and that makes me feel right at home 
The appendectomy was not as much fun. Nobody ever told me that you don’t have to die of pain when you have appendicitis, so I walked around with it for about 3 days, before I had the bright idea to go find a doctor. Ofcourse, Bram didn’t help by saying: ‘Ah, it’s probably nothing, you’ll be fine.’ Eventually I was fine, but if I waited a little longer, I might have been a lot less fine. One thing I can say for certain: having 3 extra holes in your belly is not something I recommend to do for fun.
Then there is the good news of the cool gadget I bought myself. I will talk about that later and also include some pics I’ve made with the thing. For now, I have to get back to my extremely demanding job *yawn*.
Love,
Soosh
Permalink
02.28.08
Posted in Curacao at 10:03 am by Soosh
I had some week.. again I got ‘dismissed’ at work. I was not what they were looking for in the team. However, in my opinion, what they are looking for in the team doesn’t exist. Some want their new colleague to be a serious, quiet personality, others want their new colleague to be a ‘bubbly’ personality, if that makes any sense. And well, I’m just me and I actually happen to like me.
I was told I wasn’t myself, which might be partly true, because there is some shit going on in my life. However, when I -was- myself, I was told that I should be more serious and not as ‘loud’ if I remember correctly. This to me, is kind of funny, because everybody who has ever met me, knows I’m a lot of things, and loud is definitely (part of) me. If I’m told I can not be loud (or can not be me), all I can do is just be quiet, there is no in between with me.
A VERY long story short, it was an extremely confusing time. I’m happy I don’t have to go there anymore. The people there are nice i guess, but very weird. There is however one co-worker I’m sorry I can’t work with anymore. He has a real cool attitude, a very fuck-the-world-and-prepare-to-get-fucked-if-you-fuck-me kind of person. Besides, he was the only person who was completely honest as far as I could tell and that is admirable. Especially in an environment where everybody is walking on eggshells all day and trying not to ‘hurt peoples feelings’ and if that happens anyway, talk about it endlessly. I mean.. no offense, but at the end of the day, it’s just a job.
Ah well, on to the next job! I sure hope that at my next job, people are not offended immediately when I say something wrong, do something stupid or by just being myself. One thing came to mind while writing this.. my teamleader told me I was asking questions about things ‘i didn’t have to know yet’. Dude.. seriously.. I’m fucking curious about what I’m doing and why and you’re telling me that’s a bad thing? I have never heard something that ridiculous, a normal employer loves his employees to be curious.
In the real world, that’s a good thing!
So, I hope that if someone at this company reads this, I have not offended anyone (they do have my address you know?). However, if I did, i guess that kind of proves my point. I do wish all those people the very best and I have no grudges.
For the one person I spoke about specifically; don’t you ever change!
Love,
Soosh
Permalink
02.16.08
Posted in Curacao at 8:38 pm by Soosh
After spending 2 years in the Caribbean, I’m finally home. I also feel at home again, which took some time after being gone for so long. I now remember how to get where in my own town and what the quickest way is to get there. I’m not constantly freezing anymore and after finding a job, my life is almost back to normal. All I want is my boyfriend back and than everything will be great.
Of course there is always shit going on, my life (unfortunately) didn’t get all perfect all of a sudden. But it has been a long time since it felt right and now finally it’s feeling right again. I found out that I actually -can- survive on my own and I also learned that I really don’t want to. So now I’m just living my life and enjoying the small, sometimes even tiny things. That little bit of sunshine that warms you, that kind smile of a person who loves you and the realization that you are in the greatest place in the world: Home.
Love,
Soosh
Permalink
12.04.07
Posted in Curacao at 8:27 am by Soosh
I’m back in Holland! Home sweet home. I will not be leaving anytime soon. My flight was uneventful and I was sleeping most of the time, so before I knew it, I was in Holland. Now I’m gonna chill and sleep for a couple of days!
Love,
Soosh
Permalink
12.03.07
Posted in Curacao at 3:28 pm by Soosh
Today will be a good day.
Today will be a long day.
Tomorrow will be a cold day.
Love,
Soosh
Permalink
11.18.07
Posted in Curacao at 9:20 pm by Soosh
I was bruised and battered and I couldn’t tell what I felt
I was unrecognizable to myself
Saw my reflection in a window I didn’t know my own face
Oh brother are you gonna leave me wasting away
On the streets of Philadelphia
That’s about how I feel; bruised and battered. I don’t have it in me anymore to fight. I’ve been fighting for about 2 years. I’m done. I want life to be easy for a while, just business as usual. Unfortunately, I won’t get what I want just yet. I want a real job, doing something that at least isn’t extremely boring or lame. I want to crawl up in a little ball of misery and hide in a little dark corner somewhere, until everything is over. I want to be surrounded by my friends and family who hug me and tell me everything is going to be fine. That I am going to be fine.
On the other hand, I shouldn’t be bitching. Everything that has happened to me, was my own choice. I could have packed my stuff and left anytime. I wish I had. In that case, one way or the other, all of this would’ve been over long ago. But I’m here and I don’t want to leave Bram either. I just want my stupid container, with my stupid crap, get on a stupid plane and get back to my real life.
I just need my life back.
Love,
Soosh
Permalink
« Previous entries
